Invite Me To Be Your Graduation Speaker
This is a revised repost of an open solicitation I made several years ago:
Invite Me to Speak at Your School's Graduation Ceremonies
This is an open solicitation.
I would like to give the commencement address at your school.
Here are some reasons you should invite me:
1. I have a cap and gown that have been described as cool or sexy (click here to see a photo).
2. I look very professional and academic with my gray beard and glasses.
3. I have considerable experience listening to bad commencement addresses, so I know what not to do or say.
4. I am an award-winning professor, with considerable acting and speaking experience.
5. I promise not to cuss (unless you want me to).
6. I will charge no fees (until the demand increases considerably)
7. I will pay (some of) my own transportation expenses, within reason
8. You have your choice of opening lines (and topics):
I would like to give the commencement address at your school.
Here are some reasons you should invite me:
1. I have a cap and gown that have been described as cool or sexy (click here to see a photo).
2. I look very professional and academic with my gray beard and glasses.
3. I have considerable experience listening to bad commencement addresses, so I know what not to do or say.
4. I am an award-winning professor, with considerable acting and speaking experience.
5. I promise not to cuss (unless you want me to).
6. I will charge no fees (until the demand increases considerably)
7. I will pay (some of) my own transportation expenses, within reason
8. You have your choice of opening lines (and topics):
- "Never apply latex paint over glossy alkyd enamel."
- "There are no refunds for losing lottery tickets."
- "If you're going to save the world, do it yourself — don't ask the gubmnt to do it."
Category: Education Posted on
Wednesday, October 24, 2007 at 1:16am
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btw, those are only suggested topics. Anything from the blog is fair game.
I have actually swung the mace twice during my tenure as Esquire Bedel. The first time was when the president pretended to throw me a pitch and I pretended to use the mace as a baseball bat. There's a photo of that here (scroll down to see that photo). The second time was more of a menacing gesture than a full swing, but it was to move a photographer out of the path of the procession.
Other times I was expecting trouble, but didn't have to do anything: when the Chancelor was in the news for problems with Ontario Hydro, and when UWO invited Henry Morgentaler to address convocation.