EclectEcon

Responding to overwhelming pressure from every civilized person on earth with any semblance of intelligence, the Nobel Peace Prize Committee today announced that it had voted to terminate its charter. Just prior to the unanimous vote, the Committee voted to rescind numerous past prizes - including the 2007 prize to itinerant comedian and performance artist Albert Gore of the United States - and award those prizes and all future prizes to the United States military.

"This about face by the Nobel Peace Committee," stated former Committee Chairman and former leader of the Norwegian Labor Party, Trygve Andreesen, "came after hundreds of millions of civilized people sent e-mails, letters, telegrams, text messages, voicemails and carrier pigeon messages demanding that we stop giving awards to Islamic martyrdom supporters like Jimmy Carter, frauds like Rigoberto Menchu and corrupt mass-murderers like Yassir Arafat."

"We got the message," said Ola Oppigardem, Committee Secretary and former leader of the Norwegian Labor Party. "The Gore prize was what did it. We acknowledge that the warming of the Earth's surface is an important issue that deserves careful scientific study, but we didn't realize that Gore was an egocentric Luddite who specializes in creating hysteria and false science. ..."

Two representatives accepted the Prizes on behalf of the U.S. military - former Senator Robert Dole (R-KS) and Senator Daniel Inouye (D-HI).

"Well, we never really expected any sincere gratitude from these Europeans," said Senator Dole, who was wounded in Europe during World War II fighting Nazis. "It's kinda nice and Elizabeth and I, we're really, almost sort of honored to be here to accept the award for people who actually do real work for peace."

Added Senator Inouye who was also wounded defending Europe in World War II, "I always thought the peace prize was a bunch of crap given to whiney, self-aggrandizing, busybodies by a bunch of self-important, narcissistic gullible, retired, left-wing, Norwegian, gasbag politicos. These awards may cause me to consider thinking about possibly reassessing my opinion."